Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
