first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Randomize
