Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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