You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
