Umm I'm too high to move.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
