just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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