it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
