In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize