so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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