Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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