Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
