that's an acceptable place to lick
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
