I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
