his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
