youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
