I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
