I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
