Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
