...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
