her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
