I'm so fucking centered right now
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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