it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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