I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
