Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
