just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
