i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
