Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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