Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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