you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
