just come out here and I will go home with you...
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
