i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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