I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
