This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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