Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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