They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
