You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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