Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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