dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
