i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
i out mim tonsoeep
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