So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I have feelings that need drinking.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
