I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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