from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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