just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
They left me at home... I'm a liability
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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