We're facebook friends in real life
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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