just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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