just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
