how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
We left the knife in your bed.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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