people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
