fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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