What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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