If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
