I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
