Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
