Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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