just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
