Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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