are you so shy because you have an std?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Congratulations! We have a period
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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