so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
