new low.... made out with someone while peeing
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
