And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
