I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
