If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
