perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
