My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
