I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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