I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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