i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I think people are normalizing furries
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
