Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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