Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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