Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
