I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
