The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Everything about him screamed your future.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
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