I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
