I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
