um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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